


Dragon Age All-Stars Party Banter

by Delouest



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Banter, F/F, F/M, M/M, Party Banter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-06-07 06:11:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6789595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Delouest/pseuds/Delouest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Imagine a world where Dragon Age companions from every game are available for your party… The laughs! The arguments! The flirting! The possibilities are endless. Collected here are the banters from their adventures, written in the style of in-game banters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It started as an off hand comment and it spiraled from there. When you mix the companions from every game, amazing things happen. 
> 
> If you think of a combination you'd like to see, let me know in the comments and I'll try to make it happen!

**Alistair/Sera**   
  
Alistair: Is it just me or are you staring at me a lot, Sera?   
Sera: Pffft, don’t get yerself all flattered.   
Alistair: But you’re looking at me. Is there something on my face?   
Sera: There’s nothing. That’s the problem.   
Alistair: You’ve lost me.   
Sera: I was just wondering where’s your beard? I thought you lot all had great big beards like old Beardy here, right?   
Blackwall: ::chuckles::   
Sera: Better to scare off the darkspawn, yeah? Rawr, look at me, a big hairy Warden, cower before my chin hair!   
Alistair: She might be onto something.   
  
**Merrill/Sera**

  
Sera: Hey Merrill, you got something on your face.   
Merrill: I do? I swear I washed up before I left camp. There. Did I get it?   
Sera: Nope, still there. All over your face.    
Merrill: Sera… Do you mean my vallaslin?    
Sera: Nope. That’s just covering up the cute nose you have underneath it.   
Merrill: Oh, oh! That’s… sweet? I think.    
Sera: There it is, the blush. All over your face.

  
**Aveline/Zevran**

  
Zevran: Aveline, you remind me of my favorite wine   
Aveline: Do I even want to know why?   
Zevran: You are bold, red and full-bodied and smell of rose petals.    
Aveline: Andraste help me. Zevran, you remind me of a dessert wine my father once brought back from Orlais.   
Zevran: Because I’m impossibly sweet?    
Aveline: Because you go well with cheese.    
Sera: And too much makes you sick, yeah? 

**Iron Bull/Shale**

Iron Bull: Impressive!  
Shale: The metal bull speaks?  
Iron Bull: I.. hey, that’s me! ‘Metal Bull,’ huh? Doesn’t have quite the ring to it that The Iron Bull has, but I appreciate you adding the The.  
Shale: Does it have a point to make?  
Iron Bull: Yeah. I was just thinking… You might be the first person I’ve met who’s bigger than me.  
Shale: I assume it means this as a complement.  
Iron Bull: And your rack is made of crystal! Never seen that before!  
Shale: Charming.   
  
**Alistair/Aveline**  
  
Alistair: Aveline, I’ve been meaning to mention. Your shield, it’s impressive. But it’s different than what the rest of the Guard carry. Why is that?  
Aveline: It belonged to my late husband, Wesley. I carry it with me so I can carry him too.  
Alistair: I’m, I’m sorry. I didn’t meant to pry.  
Aveline: You didn’t pry. I offered it willingly.  
Alistair: Well it’s an impressive shield.  
Aveline: He was an impressive man.


	2. Two Part Banters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featured banters in this chapter: Anders/Blackwall, Sigrun/Varric, and Carver/Cassandra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a pairing in the comments and I'll try to make it happen!

**Varric and Sigrun**

Varric: Hey Stiff, you’re pretty spry for a dead girl.  
Sigrun: And you’re pretty beardless for a dwarf. You know what they say about looks being deceiving.  
Varric: True enough.  
Sigrun: Speaking of deceiving, here, you can have your coin purse back.  
Varric: Hey, wait just a-  
Sigrun: I thought for a merchant you’d have more coin on you.  
Varric: You learn to hide your coin when you spend a lot of time around Isabela.

Varric: If I write a book about you, Stiff, would it be considered a eulogy?  
Sigrun: Oh, because I’m dead right? Very original.  
::pause::  
Sigrun: Oh! Oh! When you write it, be sure to emphasize how scary I am. Intimidating tattoos, sharp daggers, you know.  
Varric: Your unkempt hair, your breath that can stop darkspawn in their tracks. Got it.  
Sigurn: Mean.

 

**Anders/Blackwall**

Anders: I’ll never understand why you wanted to be a Warden, Blackwall.  
Blackwall: The Wardens are noble. They have a purpose. Something I was lacking.  
Anders: I only joined so the Templars would stop trying to arrest me. You know, you could probably be cleared of your past crimes if you went through with the joining and officially became a Warden.  
Blackwall: Becoming a Warden shouldn’t be a last ditch effort to avoid taking responsibility your past crimes.  
Anders: Is that why you spent the last ten years in hiding, pretending to be a hero when anyone came calling?  
Blackwall: We weren’t discussing my mistakes. Don't let my bad choices give the rest of the brave men and women fighting a bad name.

Anders: We make quite a pair, Blackwall. I'm a Warden who'd rather not be. You're a man who wishes he was.  
Blackwall: Being a Warden isn't something you can just stop doing. It becomes an irreversible part of you. You should take it more seriously.  
Anders: You talk a lot for someone who hasn't experienced the joining.  
Blackwall: It was always my intention to join. Circumstances prevented that. And my own poor choices.  
Anders: But you can alter your circumstances. I can't. I can’t stop being a mage. Or a Warden. There's the difference.  
Blackwall: No amount of fighting evil will right my past wrongs. I can try to be a better person, but I can’t undo the harm I’ve done. But I do try. Can you say the same?

 

** Carver/Cassandra **

Cassandra: Tell me, Carver, what was Hawke like as a child?  
Carver: You know, it never stops being strange to hear your own name when people refer to your older sibling.  
Cassandra: Oh, I… I hadn’t even considered.  
Carver: Bethany and I grew up hearing ‘Hawke this, Hawke that.’ Imagine if people kept calling your brother Pentaghast and people came up to you asking what ‘Pentaghast’ was like, as if you too weren’t a Pentaghast? Wouldn’t that get old?  
Cassandra: I suppose it would be, yes. I’m sorry, Carver.

Carver: Listen, Cassandra. I didn’t mean to snap earlier.  
Cassandra: I promise you, I’ve dealt with worse. I can handle myself.  
Carver: I just forget sometimes that other people see Hawke as a hero. It’s not just our mother who thinks it anymore.  
Carver: Besides, if you’re looking for tales of Hawke saving babies and rescuing mabari pups, you’re looking in the wrong place. Most of my stories involve Hawke stealing my toys and having crushes on our neighbors.  
Cassandra: Oh! Tell me everything!  
Carver: I should have kept my mouth shut. Hawke’s going to kill me…


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featured banters in this chapter: Aveline/Cassandra, Carver/Blackwall, Cassandra/Zevran, Dorian/Oghren, and Iron Bull/Zevran

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave me a pairing in the comments ^_^

**Aveline/Cassandra**

  
Cassandra: Guard-Captain, that bandit back there would have knocked down anyone else who faced him. And yet you stayed upright and it was he who wound up in the dirt. How?   
Aveline: It’s an old trick. You have to dig in your heels, bend your knees when they hit and lock your shield over theirs so they can’t pull back.   
Cassandra: So then they lose their momentum and get thrown off balance, leaving them open to being knocked prone. Very clever.   
Aveline: Exactly. Those common thugs think brute strength is all that matters. Endurance is where the real power is. Now, Seeker, can you do me a favor?   
Cassandra: Of course.   
Aveline: Tell me how you do that trick where you send their swords flying, I’ve been watching you and I can’t it right.   
Cassandra: It’s all in the wrist. I’m happy to teach you.   


  
**Carver/Blackwall**

  
Carver: You grew the beard when you went into hiding, right? I wish I could do that.   
Blackwall: Go into hiding?   
Carver: Grow a beard. It’d save a lot of time if I didn’t have to shave every morning.   
Blackwall: You’ve got a good strong jaw. I’m sure a beard would suit you fine.   
Carver: I can’t.   
Blackwall: Comes in too patchy?   
Carver: No, it’s full enough. But when I grow a beard I look too much like my brother. And then he says I’m copying him.   
Blackwall: Isn’t it a younger brother’s job to annoy his older brother?   
Carver: You have a point, but then I’d have to look like Hawke. That takes the fun out of it.

 

  
** Cassandra/Zevran **

  
Cassandra: From your accent, I assume you are from Antiva originally?   
Zevran: It is true, my dear woman. You have figured me out.    
Cassandra: Are you familiar with the Montilyets?   
Zevran: Dearest seeker, you are of the mistaken belief that Antiva is small enough for everyone to be acquainted. And to believe that the lovely ambassador and I would have run in the same circles.   
Cassandra: It seems everyone knew my family in Nevarra, or claimed to at the very least. I assumed it might be the same for her family.   
Zevran: I assure you, the only time we would have been in attendance at the same parties is if someone had hired me to assassinate one of her guests.   
Zevran: Or her.   
Zevran: So perhaps it is best that she and I were unfamiliar with one another after all, yes?

  
  
** Dorian/Oghren **

  
Oghren: It’s a start, curly lip.   
Dorian: What is?   
Oghren: That wispy thing on yer face. If you water it, it might grow up to be a real beard like mine someday.   
Dorian: And what exactly should I be feeding it to be as… ostentatious as yours?   
Oghren: Whatever swill they’re serving at the local tavern works.   
Dorian: And the crumbs you keep in yours? Food for it, I assume.   
Oghren: Snacks all around! Saving them for later.   
Dorian: You’re a dwarf of simple pleasures aren’t you?   
Oghren: Sod it, picky folks always look like they’ve got a pike up their britches. That’s no way to live.

 

  
** Iron Bull/Zevran **

  
Zevran: There are worse people to be on the run with, wouldn’t you say?   
Iron Bull: Who’s on the run?   
Zevran: Dishonorably discharged from our past employers, that’s us, no? Looking over our - very attractive - shoulders for a knife to the back.   
Iron Bull: You betrayed your organization of mercenaries by joining the person you were sent to kill.   
Zevran: Well she looks much better in leather than they did.   
Iron Bull: Yes, but I was forced to choose between my men and my people. It’s not the same.   
Zevran: Ah, but we are both so very handsome. Does that not make us alike enough for the comparison?   
Iron Bull: Ha! Alright, let’s talk more about how handsome I am.


	4. All Alistair, All the Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Party banters involving Alistair talking to Aveline, Blackwall, Cole, Loghain, and Sera

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Send me a pairing in the comments and I'll try to make it happen!

**Alistair/Aveline**   
  
Alistair: I’ve been thinking, Aveline.   
::Pause::   
Aveline: Yes?   
Alistair: Oh, right. Sorry, I’m so used to Morrigan, I was bracing myself for a smart comeback. Had my shield up and everything.   
Aveline: Oh, well. Not from me. What were you thinking about?   
Alistair: You know, I forget. I was so busy thinking up my response to something Morrigan might say I forgot what I wanted to say in the first place.   
Aveline: ::laughs:: Well let me know if it comes back to you. And I’ll try to be more sarcastic next time.   
Alistair: …that’s entirely unnecessary.

  
**Alistair/Blackwall**   
  
Alistair: Blackwall, you’ve been around a while.   
Blackwall: That sounds like a polite way you tell your uncle he’s looking kind of old.   
Alistair: I… No, I didn’t mean. Wynne’s always telling me I have no tact.  _ Maaaybe  _ she has a point.   
Blackwall: Relax, boy, just giving you a hard time. Besides, truth told, my beard’s probably as old as you are.   
Alistair: I only meant I bet you have some good stories. I’ve seen a lot of darkspawn and battles, and I’ve only been a Warden for a couple years now. I can only imagine the things you’ve seen, and I’d love to talk with a fellow Warden.   
Blackwall: Darkspawn. Right. Well, I, uh, don’t like to brag.   
Alistair: That’s something I missed, isn’t it? Wardens aren’t supposed to talk about what we’ve seen? My joining ended… abruptly. We didn’t exactly get a welcome basket and a rulebook.   
Blackwall: A rulebook would be helpful, wouldn’t it?

  
**Alistair/Cole**   
  
Cole: You worry so much, Alistair.   
Alistair: You’ll have to be more specific. Sometimes I worry about losing my good looks, that I’ll run out of cheese, that I’ll get a pebble in my boot that I can’t get out. Then there’s that fear of chickens.   
Cole: Dreaming of darkspawn, drowning in demons that sing. Calling you, singing you to your death.   
Alistair: You see all that in there, huh?   
Cole: I hear it. Louder than anything else, especially when you’re dreaming. Yellow teeth stained brown with stale blood.   
Alistair: You hear the yellow teeth? Maybe I should be more worried for you.   
Cole: I, I want to help...   
Alistair: You’re doing fine. Thanks, Cole.

  
**Alistair/Loghain**   
  
Loghain: If we want the advantage in the next fight we should consider our tactics.   
Loghain: They tend to group themselves at the front of their camp so if we wait until dark to sneak around back and…   
Loghain: Alistair? Alistair, are you even paying attention?   
Alistair: Lalalaaa! I’m not  _ listening _ !   
Loghain: Oh for Maker’s sake… Are you seriously going to ignore me forever?   
Alistair: Sera, tell Loghain I don’t talk to cowardly  traitors who trade the lives of their men for a gamble at power.   
Sera: Loghain, Alistair says you’re a cowardish gambler.   
Sera: And that your breath stinks.     
Loghain: I heard him, I’m right here! And he didn’t say anything about my breath.   
Sera: Eh, fact’s a fact. It needed sayin’.

  
**Alistair/Sera**   
  


Alistair: Does anyone remember what good food tastes like? Or any food? We’ve been walking so long my stomach’s gone all hollow and rumbly.   
Sera: I stashed some cheese in my pack.   
Alistair: Praise the Maker, can I have some?   
Sera: Nope. Ate it.   
Alistair: You… hey! No fair!   
Sera: It was the kind with sliced almonds in the rind. Picked ‘em off though. Get stuck in my teeth, yech.   
Alistair: But that’s the best part!   
Sera: Saw some birds picking at ‘em on the road a ways back. Bet you you could take ‘em.   
Aveline: Sera, stop teasing Alistair. He’s older than you and has a bigger sword.   
Sera: That’s only because you can’t shoot things in the face with swords.

 


	5. Conversing with Cole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Banters included in this Cole themed chapter are Cole with Fenris, Isabela, Justice (Kristoff body), Merrill and Zevran

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cole banters requested by DeathRyder in the comments. Submit your own and I'll try to make a theme or pairing happen! Follow me on tumblr to see them when they're first posted at Ferzeldan <3

**Cole/Fenris**   
  
Cole: You didn’t like them.  
Fenris: Who?  
Cole: Hawke. When you met. _Teeth bared, come out swinging. If I hurt them first they can’t hurt me. Keep them at a distance._  
Fenris: I... Yes. I didn’t like Hawke.  
Cole: But you do now. Nothing changed. Hawke is the same, but you’re friends now. Why?  
Fenris: Hawke didn’t change. I did. That’s what friendship does. Changes you.  
Cole: What if you don’t want to change?  
Fenris: But I did. If I hadn’t wanted to, I wouldn’t have. And Hawke and I would not be friends.  
Cole: You are both... lucky. That you found each other.  
Fenris: Yes. Now, enough. We have places to be.

 

**Cole/Isabela**   
  
Cole: _Salt. From skin. From sea spray. Undulating, urging, crashing like warm, wanton waves_.  
Isabela: Oh now that was a good day! Maybe not a memory you should be poking around in though.  
Cole: You forgot to take off your boots.  
Isabela: No, that was intentional.  
Cole: What about the hat?  
Isabela: That just made it more fun.  

  
  
**Cole/Jus** **tice**   
  
Justice: Compassion. I could feel you from a mile away. We are not so dissimilar, Cole.  
Cole: You wear another’s face, walk him around, is if you were him, he you.  
Justice: And who’s face is that you’re wearing?  
Cole: It’s mine. I made it. The shape of it is borrowed, but the real Cole is free. No one can hurt him anymore.  
Justice: This body was no longer serving its purpose. I’m allowing it to aid in my purpose.  
Cole: _He wants it to be true. Wants justice. But justice turns rotten, roils, reverts to revenge, retaliation. Vengeance._ There is no forgiveness there.  
Cole: We are not the same.

  
**Cole/Merrill**   
  
Cole: _Daisy. Kitten._ Why do they call you names, Merrill?  
Merrill: It’s not names, it’s nice, Cole. It shows that they care.  
Cole: But how do they know what name to give you?  
Merrill: I’m not sure. They just pick something they like, I suppose. Then it becomes our special name.  
Cole: Hat.  
Merrill: What was that?  
Cole: Something I like. Am I doing it wrong?  
Merrill: Oh! *giggles* No, that’s perfect.    
  
  
**Cole/Zevran**   


Cole: You… were a crow?  
Zevran: Ah yes, the dashing past of a dangerous assassin. I used to be a crow, yes. But no more.  
Cole: But where are your feathers? Morrigan has more than you. And Merrill. Anders too. So many feathers.  
Zevran: Feathers make me sneeze. It does no good for an assassin to sneeze.  
Cole: None of you have wings.  
Zevran: You know I wasn’t actually a bird, Cole.  
Cole: Ohhh.  
Zevran: I have much too dainty a nose to be a beak, no?


	6. Dorian's Dialogues

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Banters featuring Dorian with Fenris, Shale, Wynne and Zevran

**Dorian/Fenris**   
  
Fenris: If a fear demon crawled into my nightmares and dug around, I don’t think they could do a better job conjuring up something worse than you to show me everything I loathe.   
Dorian: Surely you’re giving me too much credit here.   
Fenris: A slave owning magister, meddling with dangerous magics that threaten to doom all of Thedas? What more credit do you need before you think you’re due?   
Dorian: I’m an altus, actually, and my parents own slaves, not me.   
Fenris: And I’m sure you’ve benefited in no way from your parents’ personal slave labor.   
Dorian: I won’t argue with you, Fenris. I’m aware that my worldview has been colored by my upbringing, in much the same way yours has.   
Fenris: It must be nice to have a say in the matter, unlike me or your parents’ slaves.   
Dorian: Believe me, it doesn’t just take ownership of a person to take away their freedom, Fenris. It just makes it more obvious. There are a great number of things wrong with our homeland.   
Fenris: You can say that again.   
Dorian: Does that mean nothing that I intend to return to Tevinter and help make changes there someday? That I see that the system is not working?   
Fenris: It… is a start.   
  
**Dorian/Shale**   
  
Dorian: Shale, What were you like when you were a dwarf, before you became what you are now?   
Shale: Those memories are lost to the Stone. My own flesh stone or to the memories, I am not sure which.   
Dorian: That’s terrible. Who are you if you don’t remember where you came from?   
Shale: I have been what I am now for much longer than I was a dwarf. Is it sad that it is no longer an infant? Does it miss being swaddled and unable to control its own bowels. Or is it pleased with what it became in time?   
Dorian: I suppose you have a point, but I still think that’s a sad way to live.   
Shale: It should talk to me again when it’s been around for more than a few centuries. Perhaps then it will understand.   
  
**Dorian/Wynne**   
  
Dorian: Why does it feel like every place we go is cold? And damp! I’m not sure which is worse!   
Wynne: If you wore more sensible clothing, the cold wouldn’t bother you so much. I’m sure I have an extra scarf in my pack somewhere.   
Dorian: Thank you, but no. If I sacrifice practicality for style I would be denying the world my exquisite fashion sensibilities.   
Wynne: Why is it that your sensibilities are the opposite of sensible? You’ll end up half-dead in a healer’s tent at this rate.   
Dorian: We all suffer for beauty.   
Vivienne: Too true, darling.   
Wynne: Then you can find your own handkerchief when you get the sniffles.    
Dorian: I... Oh alright, I’ll take that scarf now...   
  
**Dorian/Zevran**   
  
Dorian: I’m hurt, Zevran. I heard you discussing what wine you thought Aveline was and you didn’t think of me?   
Zevran: Oh but I did.   
Dorian: Wonderful, what sort of wine do I remind you of?   
Zevran: I’m sorry to say that you are not a wine.   
Dorian: Not a wine! Zevran, I don’t believe you. I know more of wine than anyone here.   
Zevran: Ah, but wine is subtle, nuanced. There is nothing subtle about you, my Tevinter friend.   
Dorian: Hmmph. Subtlety is just a way for people to convince others they are important as an afterthought. Is it my fault my importance is more obviously apparent?


	7. Iron Bull's Banters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Banters in this batch feature everyone's favorite qunari warrior, Iron Bull, as he makes conversation with Isabela, Merrill, Shale, Varric and Sten.

**Iron Bull/Isabela**  
 **  
**Isabela: Hey big guy! I knew a pirate once that had an eyepatch like yours. Had a lot of fun with him.  
Iron Bull: Got a thing for war injuries, huh?  
Isabela: I used to whisper terrible things on his blind side to see how fast he would whip around to get a look at me.  
Iron Bull: Oh that’s just cruel.  
Isabela: He spun around so fast once, he ran right into the brim of my hat. Almost put out his one good eye.  
Iron Bull: Depending on what you said, it might have been worth it.  
Isabela: Oh, it was. Believe me it was.  
 **Iron Bull: *Laughs* You know, I do believe it.**  
 **  
** **Iron Bull/Merrill**  
  
Iron Bull: So Merrill, are you just… always listening to demons and spirits?  
Merrill: Only when they have something to say.  
Iron Bull: Do they tell you to do things?  
Iron Bull: Bad things?  
Merrill: Sometimes, I suppose.   
Iron Bull: And you don’t see a problem with that?  
Merrill: You don’t have to be a demon to tell people to do bad things. I know plenty of people that have told me worse things than any demon I’ve met.  
Iron Bull: You have a point.    
Merrill: Plus, just because someone tells you to do something doesn’t mean you have to listen.   
Iron Bull: Still. Doesn’t mean I want to play nice with them.   
Merrill: Just because they’re demons, doesn’t mean you can’t be polite.  
  
 **Iron Bull/Shale**  
  
Shale: What is the metal bull’s opinion on birds?  
Iron Bull: Birds?  
Shale: Does it need me to repeat myself? I had thought it cleverer than most of its companions.  
Iron Bull: No, no, just making sure I’m following you. Birds? Don’t like ‘em. Sometimes they perch on my horns and try to roost.  
Shale: They are problematic, aren’t they?  
Iron Bull: But tasty!  
Shale: It makes a good point.

**Iron Bull/Shale/Varric**  
  
Varric: Shale, I’ve written a lot of scenes where I describe someone as having a twinkle in their eye. You’re the first I’ve met who’s whole body twinkles.  
Shale: I’ve been told my crystals are attractive.  
Iron Bull: I’ll say! Power? Glitter? Just look at the size of you! What more could I ask for? Mmmhmmm.  
Shale: It wishes to couple with me? Fascinating.  
Iron Bull: So whaddya say? Wanna see if we can make an earthquake?  
Shale: I think it underestimates a number of factors involved in this coupling.  
Varric: Don’t mind me, I’ll just be up here taking notes on the strangest romance novel my publishers will never put in print.

  
**Iron Bull/Sten**   
  


Sten: So, Hissrad, you’re having them call you Iron Bull?  
Iron Bull: Uh, yeah, but you don’t have to call me that. That’s just what my men call me, the Chargers. They don’t really get the title for a name thing.  
Sten: Don’t they though? You simply traded one title for another you gave yourself. Iron Bull isn’t exactly a name change that makes you more approachable.  
Iron Bull: I guess you’re right. Maybe I just like the sound of it. Maybe I just got bored.  
Sten: I understand. I know a thing or two about changing titles myself.  
Iron Bull: Right, right. Karasaad to Sten to Arishok. That’s quite a journey.  
Sten: That last change has had its share of troubles.  
Iron Bull: Yeah, but I bet it’s easier to pick up women now, am I right?


End file.
